well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
