we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
