Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
