I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
