yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
