Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
