I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize