i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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