I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
