my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
