yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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