i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
