I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
