im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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