Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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