i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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