I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
