We should be called the Road Head Warriors
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
