3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
