I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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