He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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