I'm lost and stupid without you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
