I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
