I smell stomach acid.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
