it hurts more in the daytime
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
