So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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