I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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