He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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