that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
