She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
