I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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