my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
