there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
