This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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