One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i would punch a child for taco bell
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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