Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
