Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
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