You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
