i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
