so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
