took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
