I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
