My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
