I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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