you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
