I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
