I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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