hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
