Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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