I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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