The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
