This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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