i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
