the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
