Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize