there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize