Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
