ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Apparently you make a good broom.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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