Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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