He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
