YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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