I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
