she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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