Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
