I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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