okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
