Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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