im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
