But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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