So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
