I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You pole danced in your parka.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
