Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
