i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
