508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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