You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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