his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
