Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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